Where do I sign up?

"Soon after reaching Paris I found strong opposition from that group of degenerates, hooligans, childish layabouts, onanists and spineless people who had pompously styled themselves Surrealists and also talked about the "Surrealist revolution" and "the Surrealist movement." This group of not very worthy individuals was led by a self-styled poet who answered to the name Andre Breton and whose aide-de-camp was another pseudo poet called Paul Eluard, a colourless and commonplace young man with a crooked note and a face somewhere between that of an onanist and a mystical cretin." (- Giorgio de Chirico)

What is better: onanist or mystical cretin? childish layabout or hooligan? I always fancied myself a hooligan, but now I think I'm shooting for childish layabout.